I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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