so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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