um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
