new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
