so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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