come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
