Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
