I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
