The maid of honor just puked.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
