I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
