I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
