Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
