I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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