I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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