If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
i believe in u and ur pee
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