my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
In America we eat man semen.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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