she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
