Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
