As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
All the doctor said was why
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
