the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
