I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
