What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
3 2 1 whiskey
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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