You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
