I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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