Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
