hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
