The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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