every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
