Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
well you can't waste a boner
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
