I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You're a waste of cheezeits
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
