Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
