I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
