I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
