hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
