I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
