I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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