3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
