I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
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