apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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