My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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