Can Purell be used as lube?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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