If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
