I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
