K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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