He asked to "fluff my boner.."
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
