its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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