He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
