awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
