So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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