someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
