my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
