OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Your mouth is God's brothel.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
