new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just blew my weed a kiss
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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