you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
