Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
