so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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