; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
