420 ftw
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
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