I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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